When I began this thing we like to call parenting, it all seemed very, oh, I don't know - easy or simple or something. I knew that having a baby would change my life--in my head. I did know that and sort-of understood what it meant. Sort-of.
I really had no idea at all.
Now, after 18+ years of parenting, I sometimes feel I have something to say about what it means to be a parent, but I still feel woefully unprepared for the changes it brings to my heart. I think about how very simple it actually was when my children little. However crazy and wild and seriously sleep deprived those days were, they had a simplicity that I missed when I was in them. I wanted more and had a hard time appreciating the crazy for what it was. I look at some of the younger mothers in my life now and I think - oh, don't rush it. Don't long for what is to come because it comes so much faster than you think it will. You will have those older children very quickly.
I want to make one thing very clear - I absolutely LOVE having older children. I adore my teens and cannot believe how amazing my older children are. How did that happen? To God be the glory!
But. It went very fast.
I wanted it to go fast, but I didn't know what that meant when I wanted it. I would not turn back the clock because that isn't how life works - we move forward and this is good. Change is good and we birth our children and raise them only for a short period of time and give them to the Lord each day along the way. We raise them to be adults and then they grow up and become them. This is good and the way it should be. But. Some days, it feels like the speed of light.
Some days the sadness at the speed of it and the fast changes that life brings overwhelms me. I wish to embrace what the Lord gives me each and every day. I want to rejoice in the beauty that I see around me in my family and the amazing young adults I am living with blossom before my eyes. I rejoice in my head - 100% - but my heart sometimes longs to look back and remember the tiny people that needed me so much. Does that ever happen to you?
Mamas, love those children. They grow up so very quickly to become people you are terribly grateful to be friends with. I am terribly grateful today.