Saturday, November 27, 2004

Frolic, Frivolity, and Frailty

We started off our Christmas decorating with a bang today! It is easy to do so with motivated children. My second daughter is especially so! We decorated three small trees tonight with Michael W. Smith's Christmas playing in the background. Talk about wonderful rich music! Some of it is lovely and contemplative while other pieces are great productions with symphony and chorus - it is really enjoyable many times through. I was thinking of my children during the more contemplative songs – how very blessed I am. Today was a tough day with the little one truly out of sorts. How does a child get in such a funk? She is the cutest thing and when she is happy she is very very happy and (like the poem) when she is bad she is horrid! That *is* an exaggeration of course, because she was not so much disobedient as she was so very unhappy today – and for no real reason.

I had the most vivid awful dream last night that my oldest beauty had died. It is impossible to describe the feelings this produced in me. I woke up feeling horribly sad. I know that God is sovereign and would wish it no other way, but the deep ache I can only imagine feeling was real in this dream – and it was only a dream – how much more devastating in life? How can a person go on after loosing an older child? How does one continue to be? I hope I never have to find out. Because of these things I try to keep it at the fore of my mind – that these small people who are growing up around me faster than the speed of sound – will not be here forever and to truly love and appreciate them. To train, enjoy, play with, learn from, listen to, watch, and genuinely love them – what a gift from God to me. Help me, Lord, not to forget them in the business of living and to remember that thanksgiving is not just once a year.

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